I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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