Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
