just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
