I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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