I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
