i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
