So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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