The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You made out with two different species that night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
