Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
