I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
