how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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