You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
