I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
