textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My legs feel like baby dolphins
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
