If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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