If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
