At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You ate ashes out of my bong
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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