I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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