Plan B is the new Plan A
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
