She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
