Moan for me like Helen Keller
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
