its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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