And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
