so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
