Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
