I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
