So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
