Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
