She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
