Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
