I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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