After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
