Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
be right there i have to get my cape
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
