she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
