It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
