...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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