he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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