upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
my liver is dry heaving
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
