Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
