so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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