she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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