I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He better not be in your backpack
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
