If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
