He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
