A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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