is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it glows. i had to have it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
being pregnant is like rehab
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
