on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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