what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
