whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
