Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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